成都冬季

冬季

以一个缓慢的速度进行着

和闹钟撒娇成了每天早晨的习惯

应该是在秋天的尾声 开始执迷于种植

气温开始下降 雾绵绵 成都出太阳仿佛中乐透

斑斓叶和其他热带的植物 和我都患得患失 低着头

期待下个春天

然，

那天，如我所愿，成都下雪了

初雪 随着风在灯光下 曼舞 落地即化 

好美！

我想，我是幸运的。

 疫情蔓延时 一个人入蜀好像是一件了不起的事 

机场的空荡荡 机舱里的保护服 大家都全副武装 

我穿的如此单薄 

大概是想把这大半年的不安和焦虑抛在候机室里

不想打包带走。

我想，我是幸运的。 

成都三月份复工复产之后一切正常。在家里隔离的那段时间，春熙路熙熙攘攘的人群陪着我。

關於一個時代

博客好像屬於上個世紀

記憶的狹縫 只留下 過期的 空白
大家  好像
都説好  不寫了

食囈綿綿

我想，最快樂的是體驗人生。

最樸實的奢華，是料理人的用心，還有第一口的感動。

棉蘭的美食，小時候的味道。
閩式料理和東南亞糕點，
多了份手作與慢料理的感動。

來一杯無糖的黑咖啡吧。
緩和了等待，也喚醒了味蕾。
印尼人好甜，切記叮嚀無糖，蘇曼達拉咖啡的原味飽滿，從齒頰蔓延。

不起眼的巷子，隱藏著傳了起碼三代的老字號。不張揚，不做作，淳樸的美食，仍客似雲來。每一間老字號，都是華人的小聚落，大家族的情感聯繫站-
熟悉的閩南話環繞著，
老闆在一旁翻著華人報，
準備上學的小朋友,
週六一桌桌頭家，一碗碗熱騰騰的鴨肉米粉湯，掀起小時候在會館遊蕩的記憶。

兒時父母口中念念不忘的食物，棉蘭好像都保存好好的。他們還習慣炭火料理，偏愛鴨蛋、豬油渣和蛤仔。食物不用下太多味精，火候足，熟練的技巧，恰當的分量。解了你的饞，拋了個引子，讓你念念不忘。

棉蘭阿嬤明明賣的是炒果條，卻忙著幫我們張羅棉蘭著名的蛤仔與雞肉沙爹。然後，再勸我們多買一份生果條，教我們拿她親手做的果條沾Padang沙爹醬。蛤仔沙爹給那鹹鹹辣辣的沙爹醬填了鮮味。一串蛤仔，一口沙爹果條，再來一口bintang。

無法複製的美食體驗啊!

店鋪是棉蘭阿嬤的小王國，鍋鏟是她的權杖。圍繞著她是一群活潑的女工。儘管女王偶爾不耐煩地以福建或廣東話呵斥，她們依然忠心耿耿地唱著歌，加碳，煮水，切著果條。阿嬤的兒子總在夜落後才出現。雖掌櫃，結賬，收錢，但在這女人國中仍是個配角。

Gojek和grab在棉蘭的接受度尚可，來來回回總在彈指間。美食也能隨傳隨到，只是語言不通，來來回回，總有些不耐煩。

等，是你和咖啡因的對話。是你和司機的捉迷藏。是語言缺席時的信任遊戲。城市人容不下的磨蹭，在這裡卻成了一種藝術。慢，是刻意的。是他們生活的態度。對食物的一種堅持。

Perfection

It didn't occur to me I'll cry again today.

Ending the class calm, with a flow of om shanti shanti and palms clasped together in gratitude, I was in a moment of peace.

E told the class the story of a lotus. A lotus is like us, how the roots were firmly planted into the mud and yet  the flower rise above and beyond from the mud. The pods hold the seeds and when a seed fall into the mud, another life and rebirth. Impermanence and forever. She also touched on samsara, wandering in Sanskrit. The endless cycles of life.

When it was my turn to share, I choked on my words and tears.

I shared on Ms Not Good Enough, Beat Herself Up and Fix It. Then tears flowed and I wasn't able to articulate how I was going through the cycles of samsara in the past years, one relationship to another, beating myself and someone else up for not being good enough. What's good enough? And how do one see beyond the physical form to see the beauty inside?

E said, a lotus is beautiful on its own. Look beyond and see the inner beauty.

I said, I saw hues of pink when gazing at the white lotus.

E replied, pink is the color of universal love.

Life lessons

In the process of doing up an excel spreadsheet to reflect on 2016.

Halfway through, I laughed.

Someone up there is very fair，是真的，生活給你一點不給你一點。

Those feelings I desired from work was provided during the DJ training. Those evenings were draining, and yet I looked forward to them. Kinda like Wednesdays with 虎師.

She didn't have to but she was very gracious and credited my ideas on air.
She further value added and weaved in her thoughts.
She was humble and very mindful on how her actions could impact me.
Her dedication to her craft and continuously to be better.
Lastly, what touched me was the authenticity and the honesty to have difficult conversations.

Comparison results in expectations and expectations results in disappointments. Yoga taught me to nurture inside instead of pointing outwards.

Penning my recent thoughts down to map out my 2017 desired feelings-

How do I stand firm and yet be able to take in the views of others to generate the best possible outcome?
How do I work towards being a leader who ensure my team is guided, supported and credited?
How do I be kinder to myself and the people I love and love me?

Through this series of meetings, some observations and reflections
Reminder to always stay humble.
What you have done in the past may not be relevant now or in the future. Each market is unique, seek to understand first then apply past experience.
不要自我感覺良好而忽視別人。
Be present.

身體功課

Another practice on life.

During the heart openers, she said, lift from the inside. Don't use brute strength. Using brute strength is not resilience, but hardness. Breathing in, imagine the strength originating from the inner body.

It was not an easy practice.

Right bunion acting up. The ache turned into a dull pain. Before class, my right side lower intestine felt choke. It's according to the homeopath where the big meets the small. And my right thigh just couldn't come down.

My yoga teacher said too much doing.
I replied, tell my boss.
She said, don't blame outside. Nurture inside.