Note to self from Jun 2016

有些人說這出戲過於零碎，我卻喜歡這種拼貼對話的過程。

創作與被創作。不同媒介的創作怎麽共享一個舞臺。是否要分主與次？誰在說誰的故事？是否有必要去定義誰的故事比較重要？

還是像小溪和河流的關系，大家都一樣，都只是流向了大海（或最終被蒸發掉再成為雨水也始終得流向大海）的水。

喜歡Artistic Director, Alvin Tan 在節目冊上的話。圓圓整整的放上來，為一種記錄或提醒。

Once, when I was going through a break-up, someone asked me why I was throwing away everything I believed in. Why could I no longer find enough  meaning in these things to carry on as before?

On hindsight, it could have been what I was doing so as for myself.

We can only be fully accountable for our lives when we are living our goals and achieving them for ourselves. Then, projects, platforms and entities will become sustainable in this age of uncertainty. Featuring the self in the mission and/or vision is necessary and desirable.

As there are many interest groups arising, if you do not fight or have the stamina to be recognised or credited, you might cease to be and become invisible.

How do we write our stories before they are written and incorporated into other people's stories - if they are written at all? What if there is only one perspective available, eclipsing the nuances of your story?

In addition, what happens when one of your stories is disrupted and never fully realized? Are you able to write yourself out of its predicted end? Can you write another story and not continue in someone else's narrative of your life?

As with all good storytelling, the protagonist's want/intent meets with a  few obstacles. The audience members then assess how s/he overcomes them or falls victim to their pressure or oppressions. What are the means, stakes and outcomes? At the end of the struggle, does s/he survive with his/her dignity intact? Even if the struggle destroys one's dignity, was the journey noble and was the fight good?

At the end of the day, the person driving the story has to be self-assured and have the confidence to be in the driver's seat - whether s/he is in a collaborative mode or not, and whether s/he is ready to reveal his/her vulnerability as the story unfolds. It is of great importance that one attends to the self, healthy and unbroken. How that affects the way the story is told and its universe of possible subtext is quite another point altogether.

Ghost writer is a re-working of Gitanjali [I feel the earth move] (2014). We make decisions in life as well as in our art-making. Sometimes, we see that the journey is not quite complete and there is a need to return to where we left off, to ask questions so that we do not dispose if what we have, and continue investigation by re-working it. The luxury is having the resources to dedicate ourselves to continuing the journey, making new decisions with new collaborators, and having significant milestones if the past journey informing us. This reminds me of how we used to work when The Necessary Stage began developing its devising methodology, when re-working/re-staging become a part of our process. Very quickly, 29 years have passed and our approach still includes re-working of a work - when the new is different, yet familiar. All I know is that the working process ultimately refines the methodology I hope to one day leave behind for those who might find it useful; yet another story of a theatre company that once existed, dedicating itself to creating original works.

For me, Ghost Writer is about how we should write our own narratives. Numerous happenings in life inspire and inform us, but we owe it to ourselves to be accountable for the lives we lead. No one can be in the driver seats of our cars, and no one should be held responsible for how our lives turn out.

It leaves me now to thank my wonderful collaborators for staying with us throughout yet another process - playing, creating and re-creating with so much passion - and you, the audience, for being here and for all your support throughout the years.