I was ordered to come out of the pose.
Yearning to re-create yesterday's experience and stop the impending flow of tears, I just wanted to get into the supported head stand. I just wanted my legs to get up. I just wanted to stay upside down. It was a series of just-wanting-tos. And she said, come down.
"What is your attitude towards this pose? Why are you in a rush? What is your intention? Were you checking whether your shoulders are balanced? Whether you are supported? Why are you in a hurry to get up? "
The series of questions came fast and furious.
I was still digesting over her words on the intimacy between the practicer and the practice. Being honest and sincere with our body, respecting our body and our tightness, and starting from the current stage. Not comparing and rushing into the stage where one wants to be.
Again, I was musing on your comments.
I asked once what's your ideal type?
You refused to take that question as you said I would compare and then beat myself up. You told me, be yourself.
I misread those remarks as a skillful maneuvering of an experienced player.
Continuing with my obsessiveness and compulsiveness, I continued my mental floggings of myself and driving to achieve that state where I imagined myself or we to be in.
Yet, who is to judge and determine the ideal state? Who am I trying to contort and twist myself into?
At the end of the session, she shared on her experience on the degradation of her neck and encouraged me to not give up while not rushing into things.
Achieving that fine balance in life, step by step.
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